Undisclosed Desires
by Lady Dissonance
Summary: In a horrible accident, Ciel obtains a head injury which causes him to lose his memories. Now he is hardly certain of anything-even his own name. The only thing he has to go on are deep, dark desires inside of him which lead him to do things he never thought he'd be capable of doing. Eventual Alois x Ciel and Sebby x Ciel.
1. Prologue

**Title**: Undisclosed Desires

**Author**: Lady Dissonance

**Pairing**: Alois x Ciel, Sebastian x Ciel_ (Ciel will always be the uke)_

**Type**: Multi-Chapter

**Rating**: Rated M for (eventual) sex, blood and death (umm possible rape or BDSM [maybe both?] stuff sorry if you aren't into that ^^;;))

**Note**: I'm changing Ciel's background for my own purposes. His family is still dead, but they're different and... you'll see. Also, Alois' too.

**P.S.- **I do not own any of these characters..._ by law_. Though in my fantasies I do. ;3

**P.P.S.**- Hm... you should probably pretend that _all_ of these characters are of age deep inside your head. -_Although they aren't...- _

Enjoy!

* * *

"Come, young master. What are you scared of? Heights?"

"Stop it! You fool! Stop! _Please_!"

A man whose age seemed impossible to guess dragged a boy who looked like he was around twelve up the steps of a tall apartment building.

"Calm down. It's going to be fine, young master."

He offered a reassuring smile to the boy behind him who was struggling to tear his arm from the grip of the man's hand, and shook his head so that his messy obsidian locks fell away from his scarlet eyes. He stopped and grabbed the other wrist of the small boy, forcing the boy to turn and look him in the eyes.

"It's going to be fine," he repeated in a voice like silk. The boy glared up at him balefully through thick, dark eyelashes, his ice blue eyes flashing with anger and fear.

"Idiot. I can't. You don't understand. I can't… I can't trust myself up there. I know that if I go up there I'll—"

The boy broke off and bit his lip to stifle a whimper, dropping his head so that his blacker-than-night locks hooded his eyes. The man dropped down on one knee, still holding the boy's wrists, and gazed into the boy's face.

"You'll be fourteen in a year, young master. And when you turn fourteen, you'll need to be able to face your fears. So do you think you can do this one tiny thing for me? Come now, don't be a coward. If you do this, we'll have some fun afterwards."

The boy stifled his fear and raised his head. In an attempt to retain his dignity, he let a mask of cold indifference settle over his features and spoke in a lofty tone.

"Very well. Do as you must. But remember what you just said. The 'afterwards' is no longer simply an option."

The man chuckled and rose, letting go of the boy's wrists. His face, which had seemed slightly concerned before, was now back to its usual expression; a mischievous smirk with a hint of cynicism. He reached out and ran a light finger over the boy's pale cheek, his smirk growing as the small boy turned his head to catch the finger in his mouth. The boy bit down lightly raising a delicately curved eyebrow.

"Are we going to hurry up and go up there so we can come down again and I can show you my idea of 'fun'?"

The man shivered involuntarily as the boy's tongue brushed his finger while he was talking. He marveled at how saucy the boy could be, even in circumstances such as this, where he was obviously afraid. It made the man want to take the boy back to the mansion and forget all about bringing him to the roof. But he needed to show the boy a building which could only be seen from this roof.

The boy's teeth tightened around the man's finger until the skin broke and small drops of blood ran into the boy's mouth. The man pulled his finger back, amused.

"Calm down, young master. Your desires will be fulfilled as soon as we get back."

The boy's eyes flashed, this time with complete anger and not a hint of fear. "They are not _desires_, Sebastian. They are _needs_. Now let us hurry."

The boy strode ahead, not bothering to glance back, but if he had happened to glance back he would've seen the man—Sebastian—chuckling in amusement.

His feet carried him up to the very top of the building, where he stopped dead in his tracks and gazed out over the city as if entranced. Sebastian appeared behind him and made to step towards him, but the boy moved first.

His feet carried him to the very edge of the building, where he looked down at the city with such an expression of hazy lust that Sebastian was rooted to the spot in shock of it. Then the boy turned back and the expression on his face was somehow even more shocking than his previous one. In fact, this expression was so shocking on the boy's face that Sebastian couldn't even move to stop the boy from doing what he did next. That look of utter, naked fear in his eyes was enough to stop _anyone_ who knew him dead in their tracks.

The boy with the pretty blue eyes turned back to the edge of the roof again and stepped so close to the edge that his feet hung over it. His breathing had begun to come heavy and a low moan built in his throat as he gazed into the city. His eyelids drooped; the expression of lust came back into his face and without the slightest hesitation on his part, he stepped off of the roof.

Sebastian's eyes were wide with horror as he flew to the edge of the roof and lunged to grab the boy, but his hands swished through the air uselessly and the boy fell, headfirst, to the streets below.

"Young master!"

The cry tore itself from Sebastian's lips and he hoped against hope that somehow the boy would wake from the trancelike state and do something to help himself. The boy did not wake. He continued his descent without so much as a scream. And, seconds before the boy hit the ground, Sebastian threw back his head and howled out a name into the night sky, so caught up in it that he didn't notice the tree that broke the boy's fall and gave him a softer landing than certain death:

"**_CIEL!_**"


	2. Chapter 1

Ciel Phantomhive awoke to the sound of murmured voices, his head aching. He kept his eyes closed and listened what they were saying, trying to discern his surroundings.

"—just a boy? Off of the street?"

"Yes, Doctor. Apparently he jumped from one of the apartment buildings. Or was pushed. We're not sure yet."

"Hm. I see. Is he a street urchin?"

"I'm not sure. You'd think he was, something like this having happened to him, but he has these two rings that look expensive and seem to have a family crest of some sort. It's hard to tell; they're covered in dirt from his fall."

A pause where Ciel could imagine the doctor nodding thoughtfully. He decided that he need imagine no more; he was sure he was in a hospital. The sterile smell of antiseptic and the fact that the man in his room was a doctor confirmed as much.

He opened his eyes. Or rather one large, ice-blue eye. He found that he couldn't open his other one and his hand flew to it in a panic. It was covered in what felt like a heavy swath of bandages.

The doctor and the other voice—a young woman who was presumably a nurse, Ciel now saw—turned and saw the fact that he was conscious. The doctor shot a glance at the nurse and then, with a barely perceptible nod, turned and left the room.

The nurse smiled gently and walked over to Ciel, leaning down to peer intently into his face. "Are you alright, young man?"

Ciel stared at her with his good eye, taking in her long, tumbling blond hair, lovely, gentle emerald eyes and gorgeous, model-like body. He felt a strange sensation that started in his stomach and wormed its way through his body. It started as a slight tingle but by the time it had spread completely, it felt as if someone had injected his veins with fire.

His face contorted in pain and he leaned over the side of the bed, dry heaving. The sensation was awful. It was like starving, becoming dehydrated, drowning and desperately wishing for air… it was this terrible, horrible _need_ for _something_ and all he knew was that it had something to do with the nurse.

"Please… please leave."

His voice came out ragged and harsh, his breath came out jagged. The nurse, whose eyes had widened in concern, leaned over and began to rub his back gently, patting it and murmuring things like "There, there" and "It's going to be okay."

Ciel flinched away from her hand and stared up at her with a discernible expression, one that made the nurse take an unconscious step back and suddenly feel slightly nervous.

"Um. Uh. Well. I'm sorry. Do you think you could tell me the name of your parents so I could call them and let them know you're alright, young man? Oh, and your name too."

Ciel blinked, his whole body feeling hot. Her voice sounded like it had come from far away, like it was muffled somehow by this violent, painful need. He slowly shook his head and swallowed thickly, leaning back against his pillow.

"What's wrong? Do you not have any parents?"

He looked at her as if he didn't quite understand, and then he spoke in the same ragged, harsh voice he'd used before.

"Can't… remember."

She looked surprised, then shook her head and hurried out of the room, probably to find the doctor. Ciel closed his one eye again, feeling the need subside a little now that the woman was gone from the room. He took a deep breath, trying to clear his head, but his chest felt tight and his head still ached. He settled himself as comfortably as he could on the pillow. After only a couple of moments, he was asleep.

* * *

Ciel awoke to the feel of a cool hand on his forehead and gazed up sleepily at the man he recognized as the doctor from before. The man drew his hand back and scribbled down on a chart, nodding and mumbling. He was tall, slim and serious-looking with light brown hair and glasses.

"What… what's wrong with me?"

Ciel swallowed a wave of nausea and pushed himself up on his elbows, fixing the doctor with a pleading one-eyed stare.

The doctor barely glanced up, flicking through his charts and speaking in a bored voice.

"You're lucky, boy. You fell from the top of quite a high building. The only thing that saved your life was a tree that got in your road. It scratched your eye quite horribly though, hence the bandages over your eye. Your vision will be gone unless we do a surgery; in which case it will be light-sensitive for a time and you will have to wear a patch over it for…"

The doctor flipped back to the front of his chart and finally looked up at Ciel.

"About a month. And besides that you have a severe concussion, which is why your memories are gone. Other symptoms include dizziness, headaches, fatigue, anxiety and blah blah blah. The doctor yawned and let out an annoyed sigh, muttering something about bratty street kids who got themselves into trouble.

Well that explained the headache and memory problems but… Ciel decided not to ask the doctor about the need, figuring that "fire in veins" may make him seem a little crazy.

"How long before my memory comes back?"

The doctor turned and strode out of the room, not even pausing as he called over his shoulder, "A month or two."

Ciel exhaled noisily in anger and then lay back and fell asleep.

* * *

The third time he woke up in the hospital, the nurse was back and so was his need. But he looked away from her, tight lipped and didn't say a word.

For two days he lay in the hospital bed and stifled the need, trying to remember something—anything—that he could. And he did remember something. One small thing. But it made him feel better anyways. He remembered a voice—it seemed so familiar to him—calling out a word: "Ciel." Or maybe a name? Was it _his _name? He pondered and could find no answer in his memories, but felt right. So Ciel it was.

On the third day, the doctor came in and told him it was time for surgery and would he please sign these papers? He did, knowing full well that it was illegal to operate on a child without parental consent, but it was obvious that the doctor thought he was just taking up another bed.

The surgery went without a hitch and the next and final time he woke up in a hospital Ciel was back to normal save the need and a black eye patch over his right eye, which was not to be taken off for a month.

* * *

Because his head was finally clear, Ciel realized what it was that he wanted from the nurse. What the need was. And the last day he was in the hospital, the night before the doctor was to kick him onto the streets to fend for himself, he made sure to satiate that need.

He arose from his bed quietly, small feet slapping softly on the floor as he left the room he was told never to leave unless a nurse was present. He quickly slipped from room to room, glancing inside and then moving on. Finally, he spied what he was looking for in one of the rooms; a room full of sterilized medical instruments.

He reached out and grabbed something, wishing that the damn hospital gown had sleeves to hide it in, and made his way out of the room. He walked back to his own room and pressed the button that called the nurse then sat on the bed, waiting, the thing he'd picked up concealed in his hand under the pillow.

She was there in a few seconds, looking frazzled and worried.

"Young man, are you alright?"

For the first time since he'd seen her, he smiled at her. It took a lot of effort to smile past the haze of need but he managed it. Her eyes widened in shock and then she gave him a huge, happy smile back.

"What is it, dear? Have you remembered something?"

He kept the same smile up, feeling the need rise even further with her kind words—so much that he almost gasped out—and beckoned her over to come closer. She walked over slowly, the happy smile at his reaching out to her still on her lips, and knelt down so they were face to face.

"Yes?"

He reached out with one hand and cupped her behind the head, leaning forward closer… closer… closer… right past her face to her ear, where he whispered one word into her ear.

He leaned back and laughed under his breath. She still smiled, though it was a puzzled smile. "For what?"

In one smooth motion his hand came out from under the pillow with the object he'd been holding. She only had time to widen her eyes a fraction before Ciel buried the scalpel he'd picked up into her throat with one hand and covered her mouth with the other.

She barely even struggled as she bled out all over his hands and slumped to the side. Ciel got off the bed and gently lowered her to the floor, then he let go of her and the scalpel and looked at his hands. They were stained with thick, frothy, bright red blood.

He brought them up to his face and for a second, it seemed that he grimaced. But no, it was only a grin so wide that it almost split his face and he threw back his head and laughed in delight. He wiped his brow, which had seemed to be sweating the whole week with a horrid need, and smeared the blood all over his face. He didn't care. He was free—the need was gone! His veins were no longer filled with fire… in fact; they were filled with an intense pleasure that was almost sexual in nature.

He laughed for a while, and then realized the gravity of what he'd done. He'd killed someone. So he'd better get out of here, he reasoned. The thought of guilt never even crossed his mind. He sprang up, his head clear and functioning without the need nagging at him.

He crossed to the window and threw it open, not caring about the fact that blood stained the sills or that he may look strange walking through the streets covered in blood and wearing a hospital gown, only feeling heady with the pleasure of having quenched his need.

He moved through the night, imagining that he would be fine, that soon he would get his memories and go home (wherever home was) and everything would be fantastic. The fact that he'd killed someone didn't matter; no one would know who he was anyway so they couldn't track him down. He had a skip in his step as he walked, happy that he would never feel as horrible as he had when that need had taken him, happy that he'd never feel the need again. He had no idea just how wrong he was.

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Sorry this chapter was a little slow but I had to set up the plot and stuffs. UvU But don't worry, darling Mr. Trancy will make his debut in the next chapter and shit's gunna go down.


	3. Chapter 3

Hihi. Sorry but I don't think I'll be able to upload until next Sunday so I'm going to put up a small preview for you. Don't worry, I'm almost finished this chapter but I'm going away to where there's no internet for a week. xP Maybe I'll even have two by this Sunday to make up for this. :) Oh, and Lucy Phantomhive Sebby won't be back until chapter four, sadly. :'( But since I'm going into Sebastian withdrawal... how about...

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**_Six Months Before This Story Took Place_**

**Ciel: **Sebastian, what's a tsundere?

**Sebastian: **Well young master, it's difficult to explain, really... So since I can't tell you, why don't I show you?

**Ciel: **What do you me-

**Sebastian:******_~kisses Ciel~_

**Ciel:**_ ~groans in pleasure~_

**Sebastian: **_~leans back~_ Hmph. Judging from that delectable sound that issued from your mouth, is it safe to assume you enjoyed that?

**Ciel: **_~blushes furiously~_ W-what? N-no!

**Sebastian:** Really now, young master, there's no point in denying it.

**Ciel:** E-even if I did l-like the... _~gulps_~ ...k-kiss, it doesn't mean I like_** y-you**_! B-baka! _~turns even more red then practically runs away~_

**Sebastian: **_~chuckles and licks his lips~_ And that, young master, is a tsundere.

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Kyaa~ Sorry but I needed some Sebby. Okay, um. So the short preview of the chapter that I'll post on Sunday.

* * *

"Never laugh at me again. You _will_ treat me with respect."

Alois' eyes widened and Claude looked at him as if waiting for him to give the order to kill Ciel. Then Alois gave two short barks of laughter and clapped his hands together.

"Oh how amusing this is. Ciel, do you not know who I am?"

Ciel shook his head, his cold eye never leaving Alois' face.

Alois faked a hurt look, moving closer to Ciel despite Claude's noise of protest. _Well this is simply perfect, _Alois thought, _it seems Ciel here doesn't remember anything. I could use this. Yes, I could definitely use this._

"We're friends, Ciel."

Alois leaned in to Ciel's ear, speakingin a low, seductive voice. "Friends…"

Alois ran his tongue up along Ciel's ear slowly, grinning as Ciel's composure slipped for a second and he shivered. "…with benefits."

Ciel shoved Alois away, his face still composed but a hint of curiosity showing in it.

"It's true that you seem to know who I am. But… I don't think…"

Alois stepped closer and reached up, pressing his finger against Ciel's lips in a shushing motion. "Ciel, you're lucky to have found me," _and I'm lucky to have found you, "_because I'll look after you. I don't know what you've done… though I'm pretty sure it has something to do with the hospital down the street… but for now I don't care. Come to my manor and we'll talk. I'll get you out of those clothes."


End file.
